Self Soothing to Help Your Baby Sleep Through The Night
Self soothing is the key to have baby sleep through the night. But what if putting baby down awake just doesn't work (and it often doesn't!)? You may find your baby crying unless you rock or nurse her to sleep.How to wean from this habit - without needing to cry it out?
Why is self soothing so important?
Because no one (babies and adults) ever really sleeps through. Our sleep comes in cycles: we go through the different stages of sleep several times a night. In-between cycles, there is a brief awake moment.
The skill to settle ourselves helps us go
straight
back to sleep without waking up completely.
Babies who
cannot self soothe yet will
wake up completely at that
moment, need your attention and possibly cry.
Of course, in the early
weeks and months, she will regularly need feeding. But at times when
she doesn't, and when there is no other problem, it is the self soothing
skill that makes her sleep through
as much as possible.
And when waking up at night, she is able to go back to sleep without your help.
The importance of self soothing explains the all-time classic baby sleep advice: put her down awake.
Indeed, in the ideal world, baby is put down awake and then sleeps peacefully. She will then most probably also soothe herself back to sleep when she wakes during the night.
But most babies need time, and our help, to learn how to soothe themselves to sleep.
Gentle Self Soothing Method
>--<
The method described here is specific for when
you usually hold your baby to sleep.
For full details and guidance to help wean from nursing,
holding, rocking, in the swing, co-sleeping, having you near, ...
refer to the unique 3-step guide to wean from any dependent sleep situation.
>--<
The method described here is specific for when
you usually hold your baby to sleep.
For full details and guidance to help wean from nursing,
holding, rocking, in the swing, co-sleeping, having you near, ...
refer to the unique 3-step guide to wean from any dependent sleep situation.
>--<
Unless your baby is a natural self-soother, by eight months is about the age by which you can expect your baby to self soothe really and consistently.
Before that, it is important to do the preliminaries ("setting the stage") and to try and encourage your baby to settle alone. But if it doesn't work easily, trying to force things in the wrong way will be a waste of time and harm future success.
The
most
effective and
proven few or no tears method to teach your baby how to
self soothe is not complicated. It requires patience but gives the
best, long-term
results. This is both for when going to bed for nap or
night, or when waking up at night.If your baby does not fall asleep by herself easily, you may find yourself holding, rocking, feeding or nursing her to sleep. It may actually be the only way to get your newborn or young baby to sleep.
Do not feel bad about it - getting sleep at all is most important. So do hold and put her down asleep when needed. But be attentive, and regularly try to wean from this habit with the gentle self soothing method:
At first, you put her down deeply asleep: her breathing has become very slow and regular and she is lying absolutely still.
Typically, this deep sleep stage is reached after 20-30 minutes. You may want to time this if you are unsure of the signs. Make it longer if she still wakes when put down.
Then, little by little, put her down a bit earlier, just a minute or two at first. Then, a few nights/naps later, put her down earlier again. In this way, you gently move from putting her down asleep, towards half asleep, drowsy, less drowsy, ... and finally awake.
You may need to try this several times in a row, or wait for a few weeks if it doesn't work at all. But when your baby is ready - typically around eight months, but can be much earlier, or later - she will quickly get it.
Further tips:
- A bedtime routine and quiet dim nights: a bedtime routine helps your baby recognise time-to-sleep signals and physically helps her body to get ready for sleep. Keeping nights and interaction dim and low at night is crucial to keep baby ready to go on sleeping.
- A nightlight: a dim but visible night light helps reassure your baby and that may be all she needs to go back to sleep when waking up.
- Your presence: for some babies, knowing that you are around (sitting next to the crib, or walking around her room, or the corridor) may be enough reassurance to go on sleeping again.
- A transitional object: a soft cuddly toy, blanket or cloth can become your baby's best friend. If it is near her when she wakes up, it may help her go back to sleep. Crib safety guidelines require not to put anything in the crib with your baby, especially in the first months.
Even if a
particular object may only truly become a transitional object from 8
months or so, it is good to introduce it early. For safety then, choose
a toy you can attach safely to the crib sides so baby can feel
it, touch it and
smell it, but cannot pull it close or get entangled in it.
Top tip! wear a little scarf or cloth on yourself during the day (so it has your smell). Then hang it near baby when she goes to sleep. Smelling you will remind baby of you and that can be a great soother!
Top tip! wear a little scarf or cloth on yourself during the day (so it has your smell). Then hang it near baby when she goes to sleep. Smelling you will remind baby of you and that can be a great soother!
- A
musical mobile or toy: safely attached so baby cannot pull
it in the crib, a musical mobile helps some babies sleep very well. If you can find one that attaches to the side, and that baby can operate (for example by pulling a string - as in the picture) alone, that can work wonderfully. As baby grows, she will learn to switch it on herself. If she is used to hear it at bedtime, it can have her go straight back to sleep during the night.
- A pacifier: some babies thrive with a dummy. Do be careful when she becomes too dependent or you may find yourself running over to the crib to help find the dummy and put it back in her mouth ...
Of course, several experts will advise crying it out as an efficient - forcing - way to teach a baby how to settle down alone.
But if crying it out is not your choice, the gentle techniques and tips here will help your baby self soothe, gently, consistently and with long-term results.
For detailed guidance, you will find my "No-Tears Self Soothing" guide helpful.
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