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Self Soothing to Help Baby Sleep Through The Night

Self soothing is the key to have baby sleep through the night. But what if putting baby down awake just doesn't work (and it often doesn't!)? You may find your baby crying unless you rock or nurse her to sleep. How to get rid of this habit?

Why is self soothing so important?

Because no one (babies and adults) ever really sleeps through. Our sleep comes in cycles: we go through the different stages of sleep several times a night. In between cycles, there is a moment where we are as good as awake. The skill go settle ourselves helps us go straight back to sleep without waking up completely.

Babies who cannot self soothe yet will wake up completely at that moment, need your attention and possibly cry.

Of course, in the early weeks and months, she will regularly need feeding. But at times when she doesn't, and when there is no other problem, it is self soothing that makes her sleep through as much as possible.

A baby who can easily settle herself to sleep can be put down awake and sleeps, or wakes up during the night and is able to go back to sleep without help from an adult.

The importance of self soothing explains the all-time classic baby sleep advice: put her down awake. Indeed, if a baby is put down awake, and then sleeps, this is perfect. She will then most probably also soothe herself back to sleep when she wakes during the night.

But most babies needs some time, and our help, to learn how to soothe themselves to sleep.

Self Soothing Methods

First off, do not expect too much self soothing in the first months.

Unless your baby is a natural self-soother, by eight months is about the age by which you can expect your baby to self soothe really and consistently. Before that, it is good to try and encourage your baby to settle alone. But if it doesn't work easily, trying to force it will probably be a waste of time.

Baby's head held in mother's hands

The most effective and proven few or no tears method to teach your baby how to self soothe is very simple. It requires a bit of patience but gives the best, long-term results. This is both for when going to bed for nap or night, or when waking up at night.

If your baby does not fall asleep by herself easily, you may find yourself holding, rocking, feeding or nursing her to sleep. It may actually be the only way to get your newborn or young baby to sleep.

Do not feel bad about it - getting sleep at all is most important. So do put her down asleep when needed. But be attentive, and regularly try to wean from this habit, by putting her down half asleep, drowsy and then more and more awake.

You may need to try this several times in a row, or wait for a few weeks if it doesn't work at all. But when your baby is ready - typically around eight months, but can be much earlier, or later - she will quickly get it.

Further tips:

A bedtime routine and quiet dim nights: a bedtime routine helps your baby recognise time-to-sleep signals and physically helps her body to get ready for sleep. Keeping nights and interaction dim and low at night is crucial to keep baby ready to go on sleeping.

A nightlight: a dim but visible night light helps reassure your baby and that may be all she needs to go back to sleep when waking up.

Your presence: for some babies, knowing that you are around (sitting next to the crib, or walking around her room, or the corridor) may be enough reassurance to go on sleeping again.

A transitional object: a soft cuddly toy, blanket or cloth can become your baby's best friend. If it is near her when she wakes up, it may help her go back to sleep. Crib safety guidelines require not to put anything in the crib with your baby, especially in the first months.

Even if a particular object may only truly become a transitional object from 8 months or so, it is good to introduce it early. For safety then, choose a toy you can attach safely to the crib sides so baby can feel it, touch it and smell it, but cannot pull it close or get entangled in it.

Top tip! wear a little scarf or cloth on yourself during the day (so it has your smell). Then hang it near baby when she goes to sleep. Smelling you will remind baby of you and that can be a great soother!

A musical mobile or toy: safely attached so baby cannot pull it in the crib, a musical mobile helps some babies sleep very well. If you can find one that attaches to the side, and that baby can operate (for example by pulling a string - as in the picture) alone, that can work wonderfully. As baby grows, she will learn to switch it on herself. If she is used to hear it at bedtime, it can have her go straight back to sleep during the night.

A pacifier: some babies thrive with a dummy. Do be careful when she becomes too dependent or you may find yourself running over to the crib to help find the dummy and put it back in her mouth ...

Of course, several experts will advise crying it out as an efficient - forcing - way to teach a baby how to settle down alone. If you feel cry it out is right for your baby, it can indeed help. The Ferber method, aka ferberizing gives you a controlled method to help your baby self soothe, with crying if required, but without being a cold turkey crying it out.

But if crying it out is not your choice, the above method and tips will help your baby self soothe, gently and consistently.

For specific guidance from no or few tears sleep methods on the market, you may want to look at Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution and Tracy Hogg's Baby Whisperer method.

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